Ways to ruin your corporate blog

I recently took part in a fun little project with Easton Ellsworth, the founder of blogtipping.  Easton recruited nine bloggers to submit ten points on how to ruin a corporate blog.  We collaborated via a writely document and I was amazed with the quality of comments people came out with. 

To tell the truth, it was a little intimidating but I bit the bullet, racked my brain and put in my ten tips.  The other bloggers who contributed were:

The whole hundred are over at Easton’s blog but here are my ten points and some more that I was jealous I couldn’t think of: 

Easton Ellsworth of Business Blog Wire 

  • 10 – Secretly vandalize competitors’ blogs by leaving defamatory comments under pseudonyms like “Amanda Church” or “Amanda Synagogue.” Quoting Ben Franklin each time is a plus!  I’m predicting Easton takes some flack for this! 

Tips 11-20 by Amrit Hallan

  • 18 – Be a corporate bully. Inundate your blog posts with invectives against your competitors and keep ranting about why you are right and why they are wrong.  

Tips 21-30 by Jessica Neuman Beck of CouldBe Studios 

  • 24 – Spell-check is for losers. 

Tips 31-40 by Colbert Low of Biz Toolbelt 

  • 39 – Talk about 10 separate ideas in each blog post as you don’t want to waste time. 

Tips 41-50 by Ed Lee at Blogging Me Blogging You

  • 41 – Don’t bother joining the conversation. The PR company said you had to enable comments, but they never said you had to read them! 
  • 42 – Our blog is the only blog that counts. This is where the conversation is. No need for anyone to go anywhere else. 
  • 43 – We’re going to royally screw our competition – let’s not give them any oxygen or links. 
  • 44 – No one likes anyone who’s being self-deprecating; you’re up here, they’re down there. Use the blog to show your superiority. 
  • 45 – Who doesn’t like baby pictures?
  • 46 – Constantly refer to a secret project that’s going to change the industry but it’s “in the works”. When it fails to get out of alpha, just stop talking about it. People will forget about it! 
  • 47 – Internet users have no sort of attention – make sure our colourway is as bright as possible. Neon pink never went out of style. 
  • 48 – #47 only applies to other bloggers – people will pay attention to what we have to say so write as much as you like, as often as you like. 
  • 49 – A picture’s worth a thousand words; a video is worth 10,000! Put as much video as possible on the site. Doesn’t matter how long it takes to load. 
  • 50 – There’s only one Internet browser right? No-one uses anything but Microsoft’s Internet Explorer so why bother checking if the blog works anywhere else? 

Tips 51-60 by Greg Kiernan at Bloggers Buzz 

  • 54 – Add background music to your blog. For bonus points make sure it’s something intolerable and that can’t be turned off. If you’re especially cruel, Celine Dion wailing the theme from Titanic will see your readers bleeding from the ears. 

Tips 61-70 by Maria Palma of Salon de Maria 

  • 63 – Don’t have your CEO post because he/she’s too busy counting his million-dollar salary. 

Tips 71-80 by Ellen Weber of Brain Based Business 

  • 72 – Make jokes that drop like dead (shouldn’t that be lead? Ed) balloons on a church picnic.

Tips 81-90 by Alex Pullin of Wages of Spin 

  • 81 – Try to ‘get down wit’ the kids’ as much as possible. After all if you show the younger generations that you are willing to learn their ‘lingo’ they’ll respect you all the more … 
  • 82 -… But draw the line when it comes to learning any new media platforms or processes, you don’t want to tread on any toes or appear like you are trying too hard. 

Tips 91-100 by Mark White of Better Business Blogging

  • 96 – Cater to a Multilingual audience … but do so using an online translation tool. You will find that your blog instantly becomes unintelligible in the target language as well as the original. A clear “Win – Win” situation. 

And a last, bonus one from Easton:

  • 101 – Never ask for anyone else’s help with your blog.  Especially not with collaborative posts.  You deserve all the glory for yourself, right?

Do you represent a laptop manufacturer or retailer? Do you want your logo here? If you do, please email me!

One Response to Ways to ruin your corporate blog

  1. colbert says:

    hi ed. glad you joined in…read the list 100 times out loud in 7200rpm and you might get a techno beat

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